you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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