Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
