You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
