your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
