so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
