Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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