3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
