What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
