My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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