i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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