She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
