What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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