I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
