i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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