Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
