i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
