Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mom said you looked used
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
