I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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