Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
