just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
