I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
