I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i will never coherently bang her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
