i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
