im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
