No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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