Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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