C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize