Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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