Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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