it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
