I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
