I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
