the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
