you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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