Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
