It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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