Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
