I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
