Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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