I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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