omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
