just tell him i said nine months
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
