I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
