Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
