you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize