thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
