Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
