He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
