this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
