I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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