1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
