I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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