You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
