is your mom at the bar?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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