I think my vagina is haunted
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize