I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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