My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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