herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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