Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
