Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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