Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
