they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
