My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't turn off my feet"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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